~***~Ocean Of Emotions~***~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there to all

well Deepu hoped to see somthing good this time (smile)

after alot of thought i decided to post this blog, was searching somethin good, I hope u know urdu or Hindi Deepu

though this is tantalising but most liked by all those who read all my urdu written poems, this is more like a free lance - for those who dunt know hindi i will try to translate it InshaALLAh

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Assalam Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

 

Hope all of you are in the best of circumstnaces.

 

I was to updaet about my health, but not now, as im really unwell, My head has been hurting since more than 24 hours now. Its liek several Nerve compression at the same time. I couldnt even stand up straight, and got high grade fever coz of the severe pulls, Anyways im still on my feet walking around.. (crying)

 

Anyways, Ramadan Kareeem To all.

 

The first ten days are nearly to an end ... ohh this blessed month is flying by (sad)

 

 

"O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become Al-Muttaqun [the pious]." (Surah Baqara; Ayah 183) The nature and mandate of fasting is beautifully described in the Qur'an. Instead of just commanding us to fast, Allah addressed us as 'mu'mineen' to kindle the spark of iman within us to make us realize our intention–everything is for Allah. The primary purpose of why we fast is because we have this belief that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is our Maalik and He knows what is best for us.
"And if you do fast, know that it is better for you, if only you knew" (Surah Baqara; Ayah 184)
We can pretend that we know what's best for us, but in reality, Allah knows what's best for us. And when He says "ya ayyuhal ladhina amanu", it means every single person whose ever had iman. And then He says "fasting has been prescribed for you" to give us a sense of support.
"Just as it has been prescribed for those people before you so that perhaps you may have taqwa" (Surah Baqara; Ayah 183)
The reason why we do this is to achieve closeness to Allah. Fasting isn't for every day, but just a few days so that you can became close to Him.
Sahabah used to practice for Ramadan six months ahead of time. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa sallam would start practicing in Rajab (2 months ahead).
"Allahumma baraklana fi rajab was shabaan wa baligna ramadan"
"Oh Allah grant us barakah in rajab and sha'ban and grant us the ability to reach Ramadan"
Since Ramadan hasn't started, we say this dua. Who knows if we will reach Ramadan or not? If you really understand the importance of Ramadan, this dua will become important to us.
It is THE most BLESSED month.
"If a person were to fast forever they wouldn't be able to make up for the barakah of Ramadan,"
"Time is like a sword that cuts, if you don't cut it, it cuts you…"
"How many people fast, but do not achieve anything but hunger. And how many people stand up at night to worship Allah swt at night but achieve nothing but tiredness and lose sleep; understand why you're fasting."
Imam Ghazali says that there are three levels of fasting:
1. The fast of the general average person: to hold back a person's stomach and private parts from fulfilling its desires. This also holds its importance. "Whoever guarantees me that which is between their jaws and that which is between their legs I guarantee that person paradise". Most people falter in this area.
2. The fast of the special servant of Allah swt: refrain from any type of sin that involves their hearing, sight, tongue, hands, feet, and all their limbs/organs. "Sin is that which gives you internal turmoil and you dislike that people become aware of it"
3.The fast of those people that are the particular chosen servants of Allah swt:The word Sawm is used in this: to hold back/to abstain. So hold and to watch over your heart and any base desires. Or by even pondering any thought about the dunya. In totality, refrain from involving the heart in anything other than Allah swt.
The middle group is the fast of the righteous.
Group two: If there was a King whose kingdom contained entrances by 5 different rivers, and he was under attack, the king would make sure that these 5 rivers were protected and guarded. Because if an enemy enters, then the whole kingdom is destroyed. Similarly, it is necessary to protect yourselves from sin from ALL limbs and areas, otherwise you are destroyed.
To be a part of the second group:
Things we should try to do:
1. To lower the gaze. Mandatory on every believing man/woman… because it is so shameful, Allah Ta'ala hasn't even discussed it directly–"YOU (Rasulullah) tell them that…"
2. To protect the tongue.
3. To protect your hearing. A great muhaddith would wrap cloth around his head and put cotton in his ears whenever he went out in public, and someone asked him why, he said, "20 years ago I heard two people discussing something, the affects of which are still inside of me, therefore I do this whenever I go in public."
4. To protect the rest of your limbs from sin. Don't walk towards sin; don't touch sin.
5. To eat less in Ramadan. The whole point of Ramadan is to eat less. There's barakah in suhoor: "Allah and his angels send salawaat on those people who get up to eat suhoor" Suhoor and iftar don't have to be lavish. Realistically, most people gain weight in Ramadan. We should enjoy, but, tone down the amount. The reason why Allah asks us to abstain from that which is halaal is that, so we gain the power to abstain from that which is haraam.
6. To have a balance of fear and hope. Fear that you don't know whether your fast is accepted. And hope that Allah Ta'ala will accept it out of His mercy. Fear and hope are like wings, if one wing tilts too far one way, then the path is moved.
What we should do:
1. Ask Allah for tawfiq to benefit in Ramadan. "Whoever doesn't ask of Allah, then Allah Ta'ala gets upset with that person"–nobody else is like that.
2. Make a firm resolve to abstain from all sins, especially of the eyes/ears/tongue/heart.
3. Free up time for ibadat. We're all busy, so we have to MAKE time. This is the month of ibadat.
4. Schedule whatever appointments we have for before or after Ramadan. Don't have things like that during Ramadan, it's the month of Allah so devote it to Him.
5. Try to follow the sunnat. We all know Allah Ta'ala loves Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa sallam, we may have people in our lives that we love; for example, our children. If we see another kid that looks like ours, we get happy because of that love we have for our own. When we resemble habibullah, Allah focuses on us as well. Just by mere resemblance. If anyone wants to deny the power of the effect of resemblance then they are denying a story in the Qur'an: Musa, as with the magicians. They came dressed up as Musa as to mock him but because of their resemblance of a Nabi of Allah, Allah granted them great iman at the end. External and internal sunnah should be practiced.
6. Learn the fiqh of Ramadan. Have access to a book/'ulema to keep it fresh in our minds in case we approach a situation and we don't know what to do.
7. Dua', Qur'an, Dhikr—leads you to Allah swt and automatically keeps you uninvolved with others. FOCUS on Allah swt; don't waste your time with others.
Two things To Hold Back on in Ramadan:
1. Disease of Lustful Glances
The Prophet once had a blind man come visit him, while some of his wives were with him. The Prophet told them to make hijab (leave) and they asked, "Why? He is blind." But the Prophet saw responded, saying, "…but are you blind?" Meaning, girls are not exempt from lowering the gaze.
*Allah swt is aware of HOW you look (even from the corner of your eye), how you use ALL your senses (smelling, hearing), ALL movements of limbs (each step you take towards the opposite gender), and finally..everything you INTEND by that lustful glance.
Power = ability to DO something, and ability to NOT do something…applies both ways.
The affect of one lustful gaze can last you a lifetime.
2. Backbiting: if you backbite during Ramadan it is as if your telling Allah swt that you are going to fill up the empty stomach that you kept empty for Him, with the flesh of your brother/sister.
"Al ghibatu ashaddu minaz zina"
"zina is going against a right of Allah swt and gheebah is taking a right of a believer"
When you commit zina you don't go apologize to the person, you repent with Allah swt. But with gheebah, you have to ask the person you backbit about for forgiveness and Allah swt wont forgive you until they do!
- Ask for forgiveness, for ex.: "If I have ever said anything…please forgive me". Keep it simple.
- Speak good about them.
- Don't be a part of it; stop it; leave it; or at least save yourself from it.
Increase in:
1. Recitation of La illaha illalah—so that it is easy to get rid of false gods in our heart.
2. Seeking forgiveness in Allah swt–ask with passion, otherwise it seems like a checklist; how are you going to give your LORD a checklist?
3. Ask Allah swt for jannatul firdous.
4. Seek protection from jahannam.

Source: An-Noor
--

 

 

here are the links of the earlier Ramadan Posts

 

 

hi there to all my firnds ..

for a change i have been thinking of starting sum part of my blog in urdu also as i love Urdu poetry and well im a crazy person in that aspect.

this is one which defines my feelings and my life very well.. i havent written this

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there to all my blogsville family

 

I have been in immense thought over the days and my professional work is just on a Full Stop and at stake!! It has nothing to do with money nothing to do with my career. My passion has been my professionalism, though i have no formal education in it yet i better understand it than a few professionls, coz its more about the flare and passion which is more important for any work.

 

Anyways this wasnt supposed to be the topic today. I am more again studying personalities, and Human behavior. My interest in this field started 8 years back when i was locked within the 4 walls of my house and i was beaten up and i wondered y would people behave in that way, and i started a book on child upbringing in my native language "Urdu" which is yet to be completed and edited. Then i was surprised with teh behaviour or you can say reaction of my x husband for punishing for things i didnt do, i was very much awed by the complex nature of human beings. Life went on and i started my work as a councellor online 4 years back, and i started getting better on it i had alot of people already whom i was councelling, suicidals, disabled, family prob kids etc etc... i felt better by being there for the rest of the world, i no more trusted any1, and i stopped sharing my pain with any1 at all, I have a way of convincing people and getting them to be positive, Time went on and then there was a big shatter in my life again when a few friends got together to help me, they had decided to help me overcome my life without telling me or letting me know. I am not an easy person to conqueor as i always say i have an unconqueorable spirit, and i wondered y these people started paying so much heed to my wellness. Unacquainted to friendliness i shrugged them away repeatedly, but sumhow they managed to make a place in my life. and i started to count on them a little now and then, but i used to keep away and i knew these friends are just temporary people in my life i have to fight my battle myself ALONE!!! But well fate had its own turning, i used to go to the Fairs etc alone and there i wopuld end up seeing them and they would all be giving heed to my presence which i did not appreciate alot until my nervous breakdown last year. They were the only ones who were around me, who knew what was happening in my life, who helped me reconcile and they made me remember the forgotten. Though it was sheer pain but yet, its good to remember rather than b blind. with time my counselling stopped coz of my health and my scattered hopes. I started having suicidal thoughts myself, which i never shared with any1. i would just put on to some religious audio and sooth my restless soul. Durnig this time i am now not in touch with any of those people who had once upon a time tried to show me some light. They always called me to b the most unbelieving peron in the 21st century who was educated. They had a reason to do it, I didnt like social gatherings,i arranged all teh parties at uni but never stayed there as to have fun, i would walk out and manage things behind the scene, took  my books to picnics, cried during class while the professor would lecture, would scream at the smallest mistake and hurt my self when i was angry. A wierd person was i to myself yes but today when i think back of all those friends i realise they all are gone, as i had thought they would, leaving me to stand my own ground. i always said this since childhood My first love is Poetry -- And my second love is the phone !! i loved talking on the phone and writing, i hate people today for what they have made me.

 

I am very much known for my fundamentalism in religious aspect, religion has been my life.

 

Lately i have been obsessed again with thoughts as to why again people are coming in my life, i wonder if life needs a chance and then as that wounded angel im thinking repeatedly. I hate lies and i hate being lied too. i hate any1 pitying me, i hate the fact that i am being lied to and i cant  go on with life like this.. i wanna run away into Nowhere , a plce which has no name,  a place where i will b anonymous, where i can cry forever and never see the face of another human being, i dunt know y i hate everything so much... if things have to make me more gloomy y all the hopes, im not a pessimist but i am more of a NEUTRALIST  haveing seen so much of negative in my life i dunt believe in good or bad anymore i let life proceed the way it is, i dunt even have the courage to complain anyway, i just breakdown once in a while and then i get up again dust my clothes and walk ahead...

 

Life is in itself a game ... un conqueorable by man ---

 

 

I sit by the beach wishing I had no fingers that I would write again. Tears wash my face as I remember the pain of my broken dreams and expectations. I bury my head in my knees and sob like a child - beaten black and blue. I sob alone without a consoler; I am by myself, no one ready to understand or accept me the way I am. My negativity radiates so as to negate all the positiveness of life. My heart within my chest is so beautifully scarred so as not to have scared my chest at all, but deep within it my heart bleeds; and it will bleed until the last drop is shed.

 

I cry out of fear for my future and the pain of my past. I sit there with the befriending waves who actually speak to me now; that I have cut my fingers and won't be able to write anymore. Now the devastated desert speaks for me and the ruins of uprooted trees and sand hills leave trace of sheer destruction, same is with my world-totally devastated. My desires killed and my passions sabotaged. Feelings that I would before give words are now captivated within my soul. I wonder why am I asked to compromise, why can’t my passions be accepted and why can’t I live with the things I love to do. Learning things the hard way has killed my inner soul literally and I hesitate not in saying that too much is demanded from a person who has nothing but her broken self.

 

Thus; I myself will no more be able to translate my grief for myself, so let the world rejoice on the death of other if another writer.

  

 

Use... this... in... life

Talk---------------Softly

Walk----------------Humbly

Eat-------------------Sensibly

Breathe--------------------Deeply

Sleep----------------------Sufficiently

Dress---------------------------Smartly

Act-------------------------------Fearlessly

Work---------------------------------Patiently

Think-----------------------------------Truthfully

Believe------------------------------------Correctly

Behave-----------------------------------------Decently

Learn---------------------------------------------Practically

Plan-----------------------------------------------------Orderly

Earn----------------------------------------------------------Honestly

Save--------------------------------------------------------------Regularly

Spend---------------------------------------------------------------Intelligently

Love---------------------------------------------------------------------Passionately

ENJOY --- -------------------------------------------------------------------COMPLETELY

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was in a dark cave, i got acquainted to teh dark. unable to realise what light was. All i knew was that i was supposed to disappear in the darkness... there were small holes in the cave from which light shone in. i saw my oxn shadow in that light, but covered my eyes as i couldnt bear the light. i moved away from it, and took a dark corner and sat there.

 

Someone must have been treading along that way and another hole in the cieling.. i was much shocked and moved back. the sunlight troubled me. My eyes were acquainted with the darkness of my world and i was satisfied about everything; the darkness, the blood drippingg from my clothes, the pain.. Nothing was going to change .. i had struggled through the valley of death and i was alive that was enough for me ... and it was ages i was there in that cave...... trying to beleive that i had survived.... i was a SURVIVOR... Life was only an existence... I didnt know wat fresh air was.. I could only smell my own blood.. and i met so many people who were falling while climbing this valley.. I tried to help some one.. and i saw some die .... it was all agonising..

 

and i dunno how i made it through that valley ....

and i knew there was an opening in the cave, from where light shone in and it led to the outside world.. i would lead ppl tto it and come back.. i hated light.. i didnt want it ... i didnt like it ... for my my darknesss wwas everything ...

 

I was satisfied with life...

i didnt want to change anything

i liked helping others and see them smile.. but myself i never knew what it was to smile... i sat there letting ppl out ..

i was not ready to accept any change...

 

and i was sure nobody would bother to come and fetch me...

 

but to my surprise... sumone came in ... just to get me ... and i was shocked..

not ready to accept anything

not ready to acceot a change..

i prayed to my LORD to guide me rightly ...

should i go or should i stay ..

 

and My Allah asked me to take the hand of the person who has come to let me out ..

 

and i had no choise i take Allah's word as an order..

and i stood there lookin at teh person ..

and the person didnt bother to wonder what was i .. a human , or a demon.. held my hand and smiled..

i just wondered what was going to take place ... my blood was all over teh place .. i didnt know where my wound was.. but this person held my hand and assured me life was going to change

i was not ready to move towards light ... but this person was so patient... as i walked so farfully towards light, the person waited for me to acceot the lil chnge and light in my life..

 

i am still on my way towards the light, this Human angel helping me move towards it...

 

I was teh Human angel until now.. but now there is a human angel for me..

 

I thank Allah for sending this aid to me..

 

I can never thank Allah nor this person all my life..

 

MAy you be blessed...

 

AssalAm Alaikum

to all my blogsville family after a long time you find me blogging me here, planning to keep the blog alive yet...

 

i love this place as it has a lot of old memories, my pain is preserved here my smiles forsaken here, A place where i can visit and return to my past days and learn from this corner how brutal can life be sometimes and yet i had the guts to still smile through it and fight back tears. Today again when i feel my head almost killing me i thought of my silent space which is the Ocen of My Real Emotions... The reality which i actually hide in my real life from everyone.

 

Firstly I should anounce the Marriage of my eldest brother, and that was the real reason i was away from my blog and other Internet activity as i had no access to the internet in Pakistan but Alhamdulillah ala kull e haal, I had access to all the Religious Scholars and their families Alhamdulillah i learnt alot from them.

 

I have been wondering why do people have their ways of life and live at the expense of other peoples happiness...

 

I have wandered a barren land for years searching answers to unknown strategies of mankind, and after my wandering i realise i reach where i had started....

man is definitely nothing but his untactful mind and unaccomplished goals make him reach to unknown boundaries.

 

life is just full of thorns thrown into  life by those who claim to be powerful the only difference between me and them is that they misuse their power and i use not mine. My way with words is bounded by unknown spells, i use my pen rather then teh sword to let go my agony and my anger.

But my hope has no end and i believe things are at the verge of changing and this dark world of mine to get lightened up soon inshaAllah

 

 

Life is nothing but the real beginingof death .. And yet life only instills hope of the living of the dead...

And i believ i am coming to life again

 

Take care my dear ones..

May Allah protect all

Aameen

 Note: Blog has been edited on Readers Request

 

Assalam Alaikum

Hope you all are well

By Allah's grace i have returned to Kuwait with a heavy heart
wonderng why again have i left the city of my beloved scholars and my
Spiritual guide, but then i was ordered by my spiritual guide to
leave and return and carry on the work i am doing abroad,and guided
me alot. I have met alot of scolar families, and the best one whom i
am honoured to have met and contacted is teh daughter of "Molana
Yousuf Ludhyanvi Shaheed Rehmatullah alaih", I have had teh chance to
meet such ladies and such families whose men have been known for
their "Taqwa and scholarly knwledge and Imaan" Alhamdulillah Allah
had blessed me alot this time, I never imagined my trip would be such
a blessing so Alahmdulillah....

Now I will time and time update about what i have learned from my
elders there.

As we all are aware of the Denmark and Norway Shameless work of the
Defamation (Naouuzubillah min zaalik) thus we have planned a Mass
Fast. This is an international call for
pryaer its the least we can do. All Muslims are requested to join us
as we r asking Allah to help us against these infidels and may Allah
enlighten them with the Truth but if they r not to be guided then may
they Perish a death which will teach all such ones a lessen to think
a thousand times before doing such a shameless act.

This is teh least we can do.
All who r willing to join in are requested to send me names (nick
names for ladies) on my email address and in case you have any link
or a website do share ot as i will be putting the list up and the
reason i do it is to show these infidels that we are yet together and
we condemn their act.

There was a conference known as "business tank" which was about the
same issue and Alhamdulillah Allah had given me the taufeeq to attend
it and Mufti Taqi Usmani Sahab was there as the chief guest and
speaker. i have recorded the conference and shall upload it and share
the link laters.

In case your family members are joining do inform that also anf you
all are requested to send me the name or nickname you wish me to put
u up with on my personal email address not on the group as it mught
then turn to b an act of pomp.
my email address is
aminabba@gmail.com

Jazak Allah khair
La tans Min Al dua

Taqabbal Allah minna wa minkum
was salam

May you all be blessed by Allah

 

Alot has been happening in my small life..

 

huh... Am i not a human, am i not a human. ...

 

Should i go out there and kill myself

 

Don't tell me you care.. coz no1 really cares. its just non sense.. And neither do i care

 

I wish my life ended long back.. but wishes are only wishes. Here I am alive By Allah's wish.

 

You all must be thinking waz wrong with me again. I wil tel you what is wrong. People come to me, tell me they will be with me, help me, and that they care for me, oh please... today i realised how should i really be, this pain is just a pain with me and then they tell me .. Trust us we never meant to hurt you.. HUH..

 

what shoudl i do .. just smile and hide the pain in my heart and say well iunderstand its okay .. forget it.. but only I know the pain inside. The Smile you see is just to hide my pain, Sorry friends this world is so brutal.

 

In the name of religion people have killed me.. I have known people for years telling me about my life and teh way i am .. but the truth is that all are same..

every1 ..

 

well anyways.. still as everytime i will never say who has hurt me...

 

I have the cpability to still stay quiet..

 

and smile and say its okay.. But Pain is pain.. y am i not numb still

 

this just teh human side of me

 

Be well

bye

 

 

 

Shattered to pieces and pieces so small that I am unable to anticipate my loss. My Fear, my grief - all is out of my control but does that mean I will get into any situation again. When I talk about pain, it is something immesurable, something impenetrable and indispensible. I feel much relieved now when I think of the pain and grief that I have overcome.

 

When I look at my reflection, I see my true self and that is when I realise how professionally I fake. Everybody tells me of the beauty of that smile that is always imprinted on my face, and which never goes. But, what about the grief in my eyes which is never seen, which can never be portrayed in words, tears or the blood of my heart.

 

Mistakes are made by humans, but I don't agree that any of my decisions in the past was wrong; I'd rather say it this way that, hardships made a mistake by challenging me. I am not one of those who will give up with life that easily and surrender to all the mishaps, breakdown and cry in front of teh world, be Weak - No NOt Me!! That is not Me to be, that is not what I have learnt to become.

 

I am a girl who has gone through every crisis of my life and will face every tragic event of my life with great rigour and confidence to overcome every hurdle, every obstacle with faith in Allah and my powers as a Human.

 

I have fought my battle myself with Allah's help alone and i have helped those whom I met on my way and I have also met people like me on my way, who are just so self-reliant as me so as to never take anyone's help. So stubborn are we self-reliant people that we will break ourselves to pieces but never ask for help and never show ourselves weak. So Stubborn ~ So as to break repeatedly without a sound and like a stubborn child and refuse to seek refuge and refuse to accept that we feel pain.

 

On my way ahead for the remaining days I have left; I know, I will find allies and foes but, I will try to be indifferent to everyone; So as to be an emotionally paralysed person. But on the otehr hand the truth is not what I portray. I am an extremely sentimental person, but my self-reliant factor, my loneliness and my stubborness has made me what i am now -----